The day of our first appointment came and I had discovered I had spotted again...only this time every bad sign I was told to watch for had happened. I called Clay and then called my on-call nurse again. This time after giving all the information she was really worried and tried to fit us in earlier that day but decided to keep our original time.
We were devastated. The next day was Thanksgiving and I didn't know how I was going to look our family in the eyes and pretend that I had not just miscarried our biggest miracle. Clay and I decided that we would call everyone after the miscarriage was confirmation at our appointment because this wasn't a burden we could carry alone. I felt better that we had a plan but I continued to sob in Clay's arms.
The rest of the day I was in a daze but I remember thinking while at work how my life would be completely over at 4:00 pm that same day. I barely functioned...I found out that Clay also was distracted at work while he waited to take me to the ultrasound.
As we waited for our doctor to come and speak with us Clay mentioned that he was nervous. I told him that I felt oddly fine and that I thought I could hold it together...I was absolutely wrong. Our doctor came in and we chatted a little and she congratulated us on our pregnancy. At this point Clay and I looked at each other and I dissolved into tears. Our doctor immediately looked up sensing something was wrong. At this point I told her everything as huge tears were streaming down my face. I cried so much that I couldn't talk anymore and Clay quietly explained that we were really worried.
Thankfully our doctor quickly stood up and said lets not talk about this anymore and lets go see what is going on. We followed her quietly to the ultra sound room. I sat back on the counter still silently crying as she put the hot jelly on my stomach and turned the dopler on.
The screen came up and she said,
I started sobbing all over again...like UGLY CRY. I covered my eyes with my hands and wept loudly (I was so relieved that I didn't even care to stifle the sounds). Clay put his hand on my shoulder and reassured our doctor that this was great news but we were just in shock. Our doctor commented how that this was understandable because we thought we were coming in to confirm a miscarry only to find out we were having very healthy twins (twins...holy moly...as in two...at once...in my belly...right now).
She then let us hear their quick little heartbeats and it was Clay's turn to tear up (I'm pretty sure I didn't have any more tears left).
The next 10 mins she talked with us about what to expect in the upcoming months. I don't remember anything and she probably knew that because she gave us lots of pamphlets with highlighted and circled items.
As we waited to be out processed we couldn't stop looking at pictures of our babies or talking happily about what the heck just happened. We must have been a little loud because the secretaries were all watching us smiling (we must have looked drastically different than when we first walked in).
And there you have it...we are still in shock...I tear up once a day thinking about everything...it is unreal.
Thankfully our doctor quickly stood up and said lets not talk about this anymore and lets go see what is going on. We followed her quietly to the ultra sound room. I sat back on the counter still silently crying as she put the hot jelly on my stomach and turned the dopler on.
The screen came up and she said,
"Are you seeing what I am seeing?"
and for a split second I did...but then again I had only seen the screen of my empty uterus so maybe I was wrong.
She looked at Clay and I and said,
"Not only is there one strong heartbeat but two strong heartbeats."
I started sobbing all over again...like UGLY CRY. I covered my eyes with my hands and wept loudly (I was so relieved that I didn't even care to stifle the sounds). Clay put his hand on my shoulder and reassured our doctor that this was great news but we were just in shock. Our doctor commented how that this was understandable because we thought we were coming in to confirm a miscarry only to find out we were having very healthy twins (twins...holy moly...as in two...at once...in my belly...right now).
She then let us hear their quick little heartbeats and it was Clay's turn to tear up (I'm pretty sure I didn't have any more tears left).
The next 10 mins she talked with us about what to expect in the upcoming months. I don't remember anything and she probably knew that because she gave us lots of pamphlets with highlighted and circled items.
As we waited to be out processed we couldn't stop looking at pictures of our babies or talking happily about what the heck just happened. We must have been a little loud because the secretaries were all watching us smiling (we must have looked drastically different than when we first walked in).
And there you have it...we are still in shock...I tear up once a day thinking about everything...it is unreal.
We are so very grateful.
I don't' know what else to say.
To our friends.
To our family.
To my husband.
To our Heavenly Father
(man oh man that guy...he has my back in so many different ways).
I can't even express...I'm too emotional.
I love these babies.
They scare me to death.
I don't even care if they grow up and go to BYU
that is how much I love them (a WHOLE lot).
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